It has been a wonderful first week at home. When I did come I was weak but happy to be home again, and day by day I have grown stronger.
I have been so happy reading the letters and cards and wishes and emails from you – I feel overwhelmed. You have surrounded me with so much love and affection and prayer. So my days of prayer are full of gratitude, to you and for becoming better and stronger each day.
I am much better now than when I went into hospital and realise even more clearly how exhausted I was. Alison is looking after me wonderfully and I am happy that you send messages to thank her for what I am beginning to be able to do. On Wednesday she started me on weight training. Only paper-weight training but look out for a surprise name in the Olympic games of 2024. I realise my film career was going nowhere but paperweight champion is a good alternative.
Towards the end of the week, full of all your warm thoughts and greetings, I knew how much I wanted to start talking with you again. I had been answering no incoming calls because there were so many and I knew I would be glad to try to answer them all but I wasn’t strong enough. Now I knew I was that much stronger. Happily, I see weeks of phoning all of you, no particular order ~ which doesn’t matter because you are all in my prayer each day anyway, but hearing your voices will be further blessing. Writing would be too difficult at present, but even that I am beginning to look forward to.
One huge blessing for me is opening up even more to the sufferings and poverty and injustice and violence around our world. It is as though God is reminding me that what I have suffered is very small and in our world there are so many suffering beyond anything I could now probably face. But the world is there, a gift from God with the new intensity of understanding.
You can read how heightened my awareness is as a consequence of these last few weeks. I’ve always included World and Church in my daily prayer but now, warmed by your love and affection for me, I can offer myself even more to God in my prayer – so often without words, because what people are suffering is beyond words.
I am as happy as I have ever been. The hospital a wonderful blessing. My getting better at home, my days full of gratitude and prayer and longing. To be able to tell you is itself a blessing. We can be shy of being too open, can’t we, but I don’t feel any shyness anymore. Here I am, dear God, as happy as anyone can be. If only I knew how to give it and share it with others completely. The longing is there and now you must help me to make it a reality.
I sign off now, everybody, and I was so aware of your coming into my mind whilst I was dictating this letter. Thank you.
God bless you.
(2nd August 2020)